Nothing I would rather do...

safa

my little (old) girl

rescued from starvation off the streets, she was homeless and was near death

i have had her for around 3 months now

she is half blind, 80% deaf, has a heart murmur

and spinal damage that causes problems with her neurological system

she has a thryroid issue and is hypo glycaemic

and through diet and observation

her and i are managing her conditions,

but most importantly she is happy, and she is one of the most beautiful little girls i ever laid eyes upon 

come little one, i smile
as i scoop her up into my arms
i sit on the couch and take her
frail, fragile little legs, trying
to curl them under her to have her
rest against me, but again
for the hundredth time, surely,
she resists
her body goes stiff and you feel her confusion
it tumbles out of her in little square blocks of
unknowing, uncertainty and
no memory of this, and i hold her close
her body stiff, and she looks at me
and you see the love in her eyes
you see how she feels about me
you hear it in the ringing of the 4 bells
on her collar, the colour of the flowers
on the vines that climb the verandah
at the farmhouse where my grandmother
played as a girl, and i feel it,
in the way they sing out to me as
she follows me around the house until
she is tired, weary from her hard life
and finally she sleeps, during the day
on the couch, on the softest blanket
i could make for her, at night on the highest point
of my hip, should i sleep on my side or
on my chest, right over my heartbeat, should i lie on my back.
i secretly hope and pray that when she lies over my heart
that maybe she is memorizing how the beating of a healthy
heart sounds so that she can practice making her
own beat at the same rate, instead,
each morning as i touch her i feel
the out of control, beating that signals
her beautiful presence in my life....and i am grateful.
but i wonder why
why nobody ever taught her how to sit
with the person you love, to curl up
and just relax, that sometimes in life
there is someone who will keep watch for you
when your ears are deaf and your eyes are blind
and my heart hurts so deeply by the thought that before me there was no love
it hurts so truly, that my heart beats in a rythm to match hers, it beats so fast
that tears are squeezed out of my eyes, eyes that are blinded by tears
and by the pain of knowing that her beauty was never recognised
it roars through me leaving me deaf to all else.
and i bend close to her stiff little body
that loves, but does not know how to show it
and i whisper into her deaf ears
that never have i known such beauty
and that i am so sorry that no one showed her
how to sit with the one you love.
and she stares back at me with hardly seeing eyes
and her heart sings its crazy beautiful song
and i tell her that i have nothing better to do
nothing i would rather do
than show her how to sit with the one you love.